Somebody please help Jared C. Wilson get back to shore — he’s too busy plugging all the holes in his small, blue boat to get himself back to safety. The seagulls are relentless, and he is experiencing scurvy-like symptoms. This is not ideal. After preaching a sermon on the...

We bought amazing amounts of Tang™ and Baked Ziti. We reinforced our basement walls with bricks, the bones of former NASCAR racers, glue, used gum, the organs of multiple men named “Rusty,” and lead. We invited all of our friends over to lay in our assigned, beautiful coffin beds,...

Toad Wheatfizzle, a long-time member of your church, is the culprit. He is the one who heats up a can of baked beans every Sunday during the “Special Music” time-slot. It can be quite distracting, we know. The humming of the Bunsen Burner, the crackling of the warm beans,...

Whether you are a Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, or EV Free, you are completely welcome to travel to Harold Princebottom’s home and click the minimize button above this patriotic picture! Outstanding! Harold Princebottom, member of First Methodist Church of Denver, Colorado, stumbled upon this stunning photograph after typing “patriotism” in...

Want to know what’s on the minds of today’s most important, influential Christians? Don’t miss our incredible roundup of thoughtful and most talked about quotes of the day:   “Finally having it in his possession? Just imagine that. We laugh, but years and years of failed attempts won’t stop him. He’ll...

Plexus is a beautiful and life-changing formula — a special blessing to many evangelicals. Gallons of the delicious, power-packed health drink is more than willing to be shovelled into your gut to support a healthy glucose metabolism and lose weight. Your body has been waiting for it. Here are...

According to the President of Single’s Ministries, anyone who participates in a single’s ministry will have their mouth shrunk significantly by the end of 2017. Singles: It’s official, before January 1st, 2018, be prepared to lose several inches from your mouth. “Everyone in America who participates in some kind...

Amazing! We’ve all experienced that uncomfortable moment. Our loved-ones have put all that time and effort into the choral rendition of “This Is How It Feels To Be Free” by Phillips, Craig, and Dean, and, it is finally showtime. Upon reaching the first chorus, several sopranos miss their note....

Cynthia Johnson is a beautiful, thoughtful, Proverbs 31 woman who washes regularly and loves country music. She’s a decent worker, loves to cook, and has relatively few health problems. Both of her parents are leaders in both the church and the community, and they freeze hundreds of gallons of their...