According to the President of Single’s Ministries, anyone who participates in a single’s ministry will have their mouth shrunk significantly by the end of 2017.
Singles: It’s official, before January 1st, 2018, be prepared to lose several inches from your mouth. “Everyone in America who participates in some kind of single’s ministry will get much smaller mouths, so get ready to adjust to your new life.”
All singles should purchase much smaller toothbrushes and much less toothpaste next year. All vegetables should be of the baby variety. Once again, singles, your mouths are going to go through a drastic change and you must prepare accordingly. Start chewing smaller slabs of gum and put less water in there.
As your mouth begins to wilt and shrink, you will experience a moderate amount of pain and blood. Your tongue will feel enormous and will slowly shrivel as fall begins. Do not be alarmed. Craig Homesbilk, President of All Single’s Ministries, has given you plenty of warning. Your mouth is going to get so, so small.