LifeHack: These Hearing Aids Blare Haley Joel Osment Facts When The Choir Goes Flat

Easy as pie.


We’ve all experienced that uncomfortable moment. Our loved-ones have put all that time and effort into the choral rendition of “This Is How It Feels To Be Free” by Phillips, Craig, and Dean, and, it is finally showtime. Upon reaching the first chorus, several sopranos miss their note. The sound is a painful cacophony of what appears to be the Denver Nuggets starting lineup music, someone using a Bowflex, and that sound a baby makes when you blow in his face.

What a nightmare!

Well, Crossway has just released a line of hearing aids to solve this age-old problem. For $699.99, you can purchase “The Osment Aids” which will a) improve your hearing by 30% and b) blare Haley Joel Osment facts into your ears when the choir misses a note.

“The choir was really struggling that Sunday morning, and, because of all those missed notes, my face turned visibly angry. After the service, Harold, a friend of mine, introduced me to ‘The Osment Aids,'” Bill Tolkien of Westerford Baptist Church of Westerford, Florida remarked.

“Before, when the choir went flat, my hearing aids just projected their below-average attempt at ‘Saddle Up Your Horses.’ It was terrible,” Bob Fenton of Virginia told us. “Now my hearing aids tell me neat little factoids like, ‘Osment was spotted by casting agents at the age of five at an IKEA and given a role in a television commercial for Pizza Hut.'”

Simply blessed.

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