Rita Simplebottom, a resident of Miami and attendent of Miami Church of Christ, joyfully carried a fishtank down the stairs from the “Youth Room,” only to drop the soggy, glass fish-domicile on her disgusting foot. Surrounded by ten’s of people and mostly just mad that this fishtank had the...

We don’t know what to do with this information — perhaps we should simply keep this to ourselves — but it seems like Evangelical Pope Russell Moore isn’t really sure what people mean when they say “milque-toast.” Again, we feel that it is prudent to raise awareness here. Russell...

Sporting Christian t-shirts is the third-most effective way to spread the message of the Gospel, behind speaking actual words, then followed by tracts. This is some really cool Christian swag that we would maybe sell if we were a little more proactive....

After years of consistently putting their noses to the grindstone, churning out sermon after sermon, cooking church meals, visiting the sick, and performing funerals and weddings, this group of unknown pastors and lay-people finally got a chance to slow things down and hit up a local Chuck E. Cheese’s. “It...

After years of borderline torture and dismemberment of violators of Elevation Church’s “Rule Numero Uno,” church leaders, along with vision-caster Steven Furtick, have finally decided to tone it down a bit: they will only lightly electrocute those who dare to touch Furtick’s “Girthy Microphone of Sweet Vision.” “It’s been...

1. Wearing intrusive jingle bells to accentuate your movements and discomfort during sermons As a full-fledged “Presby,” you remember being granted the priviledge of intrusive jinglebells placed in your pockets and strapped to your arms. Shifting your weight, leaving to make bathroom, and coddling an infant became quite the...

None of us have read The Shack, nor have we seen the movie most notably endorsed by hip-hop artist Lecrae, but we just read about it on Wikipedia and feel empowered to write this juicy article on the key differences between The Shack and The Shaq. 1. The Shack is...

1. Am I old enough to spell the necessary words to formulate a cogent thought on the subject? There’s simply no point in formulating a handsome, politically-charged rant about Ron Paul or “Big Frank” Thomas from the Chicago White Sox if your hands are underdeveloped and your brain is the...

These two Albert Mohler’s have come together, and they wish to be regarded as separate, but equal entities. They have been through a lot, so to disregard their request would be rude, and could ultimately be costly to their brand. As you mull over their concern, please keep these...