Dr. Jim Salad-Damian wasn’t expecting to bring up famous food critic Guy Fieri and his sensational, frost-tipped hair, but, in the name of relevance and nuance, Salad-Damian filled his congregation’s ears with wonderment!
The morning was bright and cool. Dr. Jim had spent three crazy hours preparing for his “special talk” during the week, and he couldn’t wait to deliver it to the nearly six-hundred who sit in the pews at “The Vert Church” in Boston, Massachusetts. As he sat down on his beautiful “Conversation-Starting Stool” ready to release his power and influential brain-nuggets to the passive-aggressively bored listeners, it dawned on him:
“I realized that it would be more beneficial if I just went ahead and discussed Fieri’s frosty tips. It was beautiful, and most my fat, bored listeners perked right up. I had finally hit the ‘Relevance Sweet Spot’ that Andy Stanley, Rick Warren, and L. Ron Hubbard always talked about.”
“Pretty soon,” Salad-Damian continued, “the people began a slow clap, which morphed into a vuvuzela-like buzz, which turned into a dog-fighting ring, which turned back into a vuvuzela-like buzz, and then, finally, half of the congregation was possessed by demons. It was remarkable.”
Dr. Jim Salad-Damian marveled together with the passive-aggressive congregation about the consistency of Guy Fieri’s hair, even writing a hymn together to commemorate it. “It was complete chaos, but all six-hundred of us wrote a hymn together blessing Guy’s frosted tips, or, as we all call them now: ‘Frosties,'” asserted a sweaty gentleman who may have been wearing one of my shirts.
“Everyone was yelling and screaming — just trying to share ideas regarding this new hymn we wrote to bless Guy Fieri’s frosted tips. We didn’t split up to make it easier to do it together or anything. We had several versions turned in at the end.”
Dr. Jim Salad-Damian is glad he followed the Spirit of Guy Fieri’s leading. “I am glad I followed the Spirit of Guy Fieri’s leading,” said Dr. Jim Salad-Damian.
We are too.