Winfrey and Bell To Give Every Refugee A Discount On Rafts Full of Their Best-Selling Books

“These people are searching – searching for answers, searching for a place to call home, searching for hope..."

With the recent hue and cry over President Donald Trump’s immigration policy, two above-average celebrities are finally taking matters into their own wrinkled hands. Oprah Winfrey and Rob Bell have teamed up to give every single refugee the ability to buy their own personal raft full of some of their best-selling books at a discounted price.

“We want these people to know that they are worthy, they are loved, and they are destined for success,” said Oprah. “What better way to do that than to give them our fantastic, beautiful books on a big rubber boat for cheap.”

“These people are searching – searching for answers, searching for a place to call home, searching for hope,” added Bell. “I just want them to know that they are God’s terrific children, no matter where they come from and no matter what they actually believe about the world around them. I want them to know that it’s okay to question everything, except for this wondrous act of philanthropy Oprah and I have concocted, and never come to any sort of conclusion.”

Trump’s executive order blocked immigration from seven predominantly Muslim countries. Shipments of these ridiculously burdensome, Oprah-branded rafts are expected to be released next month to families from the seven countries targeted by the President’s order.

“We’re just excited to see what they do with their cheap rafts,” said Bell. “Once again, they’re allowed to question everything, except for these handsome rafts full of our books.” Oprah added, “They just deserve to be happy for once in their lives, and they won’t be until they gaze at my huge name printed on rubber and read all of our books.”

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