8 Things Only Moody Theological Seminary Students Will Understand

"Ah, serenity."

Those who graduate from Moody Theological Seminary leave with their minds full of truth and their hearts changed forever. MTS is unique in every way — the people, the professors, the campus — and has a wonderful history. Here are eight things only Moody Theological Seminary students will understand:

1. Dr. Erwin Lutzer earnestly running away from swarms of wasps every afternoon. MTS students will vividly recall a well-dressed Dr. Lutzer sprinting past them at least twice a week as he tried to free himself from horrible, persistent swarms of wasps. “It’s the pheromones,” he’d mutter as he whizzed by groups of students. “But this is a burden I am willing to bear for your education.” Wow! What a servant’s heart.

2. Riding a parade float to class. Students at MTS sure do appreciate the on-campus transportation: a parade float. Cornelius, the driver, tosses waffles out his windows and brutally enforces the “Wave Vigorously” rule. Most students have had to endure the splinters he presses into their fingers when they do not wave with diligent pride.

3. Writing a term paper while being investigated for ties to Russia. “It’s okay if you do, we just want to know,” President Paul Nyquist would ask while you are concentrating. Talk about a distraction!

4. Janet Parshall squeezing a generous dollop of mustard into the palm of your hand before class. It isn’t MTS unless Moody Radio star Janet Parshal squirts a decent amount of mustard into your hand before you walk into class. “Please enjoy this yellow, tangy condiment I am neatly placing into your right hand. Do with it as you please,” Janet Parshall says in her own special “Janet Parshall” voice. What a pro!

5. Finding a supplementary portion of beef in the pockets of the D.L. Moody model in the Moody Museum. Still hungry after the cafeteria served unbearably spicy Thai food again? Head on over to the museum and rustle around old D.L.’s pockets. You’ll find some beef tips or a hamburger patty to fill that hungry gut of yours.

6. Taking naps inside the roomy coffins of the Sweeting Center. What a great place for MTS students to catch some of those coveted Z’s. Ah, serenity. 

7. Finding a safe place to stand while Scottie Pippen fells a tree nearby. Look out! Scottie Pippen sure loves cutting down large trees on campus, and hundreds have died standing in the falling trees’ path. This is probably why there are so many coffins at the Sweeting Center.

8. Master of Divinity graduates immediately heading off to war. Thank you for serving our country MDivs. The weeping and the wailing is unbearable as these brilliant theologians are put on a plane on graduation day and taken to the Middle East to fight the War on Terrorism.

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