Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary — located in luscious and basically O.K. Wake Forest, North Carolina — opened its doors in 1950 and now boasts of over 3,000 students, while also successfully holding handsome Hollywood actor Danny DeVito hostage inside the Goldston Dorm. Ranked as the #8 seminary in the United States, here are eight things only SEBTS students will understand.
1. Rudy Giuliani coughing and prancing through your dorm room as a Blue Corn Moon rests in the big black night sky
Every SEBTS student remembers trying to study for their next Theology 300 exam while former New York Mayor and Fox News contributor Rudy Giuliani coughs and delightfully prances through their dorm room under a Blue Corn Moon.
2. Professors duct taping AOL free-trial discs to their knees while praying to open class
What a unique and beautiful tradition!
3. Addressing President Daniel Akin as “The Big Grinnin’ Dad”
To show the President of the seminary proper respect, all students will address Danny Akin, on social media and in person, as the “Big Grinnin’ Dad.”
4. Constantly deleting the Twitter app and downloading it again to see if Andre The Giant has been reanimated
SEBTS students earnestly care about this.
5. Symbolically hatching out of a yolky, wet egg when beginning Homiletics class
“As we emerge from the big shell,
we hope our preaching delivers some from hell.
Don’t deny us our time to preach the Word,
we are reborn in the way of the bird.”
This is the poem new Homiletics students must recite.
6. Exchanging hearts, livers, and kidneys with your dorm
A wonderful SEBTS tradition is the “Trading of the Organs” in Mid-October.
7. The raw meat fountain
8. Dripping hot tar onto your body to keep the moths at bay
There are plenty of moths at SEBTS.