We Gladly Defend John MacArthur’s Right To Imbibe In A Potato Sack Race From Time To Time

Give him space. Let him race.

John MacArthur Jr., well-known Pastor of Grace Community Church and handsome torch-bearer of the “Great Race of the Moldy Potato Bag” should never turn down a good race. It is unconscionable to believe otherwise, as he is a man of great passion, and he desires to remain in the pulpit for several more years. This is his exercise — and his love. Many are tired of defending this man’s desire to imbibe in a good race from time to time, but not us over here at The Daily Cherub. We will defend his right to the death.

There is no Biblical case to be drummed up to keep this man from hopping into a moist sack in the middle of July, and gracefully plowing through the finish line several hours later. Even if he is screaming and hollering most of the time.

You will never — not over our dead, cold bodies — deny him his chance to beat several large children and a disgusting middle-aged man at a Po-Race. No, let this man be. He is a human.

The Gospel Coalition can write several nuanced think-pieces explaining that it is better for his spiritual well-being to watch the Tony Awards than to Po-Race, but we disagree. He is right where he needs to be, TGC. He is right where he needs to be: climbing into a warm potato bag, prepping his mind for the next jaunt.

On July fourth, 1776, our forefathers declared independence from a huge group of rabid squirrels and birds by writing on a sheet of construction paper, “We refuse to get rabies.” Jim Handcruck wrote in big letters underneath, “See you all in Hades, you nasty vermin.” These men did not fight for our freedoms so that we could lose it several millennia later. Leave Pastor and Author John Julius MacArthur alone.

Give him space. Let him race.

We will probably protest while chanting this later.

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