Stay Calm: A Discernment Blogger Accidentally Misplaced ‘The Lamb’s Book Of Life’ Somewhere In A Cheesecake Factory

"Just like that, the 'The Keeper of the Book' misplaced his stewardship."

Whoops! A discernment blogger who was put in charge of looking after The Lamb’s Book of Life has misplaced the microscopic booklet at a local Cheesecake Factory.

James Trentlemon, popular discernment blogger and gatekeeper of acceptable preferences and acceptable associations, visited the Cheesecake Factory Saturday afternoon for an enjoyable lunch. Witnesses say that after staring at his phone for a few minutes, his ears turned red with anger.

“After his beautiful ears turned ripe with fury, he stood up, sprinkled salt into his right hand, and made an incredible announcement,” Jeffery Fantom of Middlebrook, Tennessee claimed. “He yelled with a high-pitched voice that many of us can only dream of projecting. This beautiful ‘Gatekeeper of the Faith’ said a faithful man, a Bible teacher of forty years who has proven himself a reliable truth-teller time and time again, snapped an abominable photo with another and tweeted it to his followers. This other man — he is not an acceptable man. Man number two has not been allowed into the gates by ‘The Discerner.'”

Witnesses testify that the discernment blogger threw the salt in his right hand onto the floor and readied himself to erase the faithful Bible expositor’s name from the microscopic Lamb’s Book of Life. However, this is when “The Great Discerner” realized he had dropped the microscopic book.

“Gone,” one observer said. “Just like that, the ‘The Keeper of the Book’ misplaced his stewardship. I guess there is one positive,” the observer noted. “These are names of those who perfectly adhered to all of ‘The Great Discerner’s’ preferences. There were only seven or eight names in that microscopic book, so he probably has them memorized anyways.”

What a relief!

Sign up for The Weekly Cherub
Receive special offers, cast your beautiful gaze on updates, be automatically signed up for prizes, and enjoy the most popular posts of the week.