We Asked Joe Thorn 6 Valid Questions, And He Mostly Answered Them Without Food In His Mouth

Valid!

In “Six Valid Questions” we ask popular Christian personalities six totally valid and acceptable questions that you most likely wanted to ask but couldn’t because they do not respond to blog comments or your constant emails and voicemails. Today we talked to Joe Thorn, the founding and Lead Pastor of Redeemer Fellowship and collector of bones and WWII medals.

The Daily Cherub: Hey Joe, thanks for chatting with us. You have two very normal wrists.

Joe Thorn: Glad to help. Yes, these wrists of mine are normal, strong, and full of girth, which is why I am so comfortable speaking in public. Surveys say that people are more afraid of public speaking than dying, but I have never been afraid because most peoples’ eyes are drawn immediately to my powerful wrists. What I am trying to say is that I gain instant respect from my audience because of my sensational hand-hinges.

TDC: Incredible. Thanks for sharing, you old coot. How did you get into pastoral ministry?

JT: Pastoral ministry was never on my radar in Junior High and High School. It wasn’t until John Piper visited my hometown of Washington, Illinois and blew his loud whistle throughout our neighborhoods. He was doing that all over the US, hoping that his beautiful red whistle would call more men into this sacred profession. My ears could hear the high-pitched sound. I remember passing out, which led to me going into a coma for several months. Eventually, this led me straight to Pastor John and got me on the path that leads to pastoral ministry.

TDC: Have you gotten any tattoos recently?

JT: My latest tattoo is the poster for the movie Sister Act placed carefully in my armpit.

TDC: One-hundred years from now, what do you think the world will think about Christians in 2017?

JT: They’ll complain about how much gum our mothers wasted on us during church services. We barely chewed that fine gum for twenty minutes, and we spit it into napkins or on the floor, only to be thrown into the trash later. Why didn’t we give it to others when we were done? Why didn’t we use it as a basic adhesive to repair pipes or holes? Gallons of gum, one of our most precious resources (besides our blood), is being wasted in every church every single week.

TDC: How sad are you that you are not a wide receiver for the New England Patriots?

JT: Every day I draw plays that I could run as a New England Patriots wide receiver with a permanent marker on my Associate Pastor’s back. His back is full of plays named “The Wicked Kazoo,” “Pass Me The Salmon,” and “Dora The Explora’ Has My Pin Number.” To answer your question, I am very sad.

TDC: How do you see this whole North Korea thing playing out?

JT: It will end just like Dr. Oz’s career ended. Kim Jong-Un will make factually-inaccurate claims about weight-loss supplements, a cure for the common cold, a cure for restless legs, and fake teeth-whitening solutions. After continual lawsuits, Jong-Un will be relegated to the basement cellar of history.

TDC: Will Carman ever get back into good graces with the Contemporary Christian Music Industry? Or will he always be the “Bad Boy of Christian Rock n’ Roll”?

JT: No comment.

 

 

Categories
Life
Sign up for The Weekly Cherub
Receive special offers, cast your beautiful gaze on updates, be automatically signed up for prizes, and enjoy the most popular posts of the week.

RELATED BY