Not Surprising: Catholic Church Favors Whichever Super Bowl Team Performs More Hail Mary’s

What do you call a sleeping nun? A roamin' Catholic.

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Galveston, Texas is excited for the Super Bowl this year. We were fortunate enough to visit the archdiocese and speak with Daniel Cardinal DiNardo, the Cardinal of the church.

When asked about the Super Bowl taking place in their great city, Cardinal DiNardo said, “Who allowed you into my office? Regardless, we are very excited for the Super Bowl this year. Not only is it taking place seven miles away, but also these teams will be performing ‘Hail Mary’s.’ We never have a bias going into the Super Bowl, so whichever team performs more ‘Hail Mary’s’ by the end of the game has our unbridled support.”

Local pagan, Rick Hollenberger shared, “I’m not afraid of public spaces.”

We did some exploring at the archdiocese, and we discovered a room where ‘Hail Mary’ statistics have been maintained by the church, dating back to Super Bowl I. For Super Bowl XVI, they had recorded an astonishing thirty-one ‘Hail Mary’s’ performed. We fact checked that game and only counted twenty-nine. Something tells us their record-keeper is sleeping on the job.

Upon leaving, we thanked Cardinal DiNardo for his time, to which he replied, “And also with you.”

Sign up for The Weekly Cherub
Receive special offers, cast your beautiful gaze on updates, be automatically signed up for prizes, and enjoy the most popular posts of the week.