Belichick: “Our Offense Is Prepared To Run The ‘Ark Of The Covenant'”

Patriots pulling out all stops for Super Bowl

Bill Belichick is widely considered one of the greatest coaches to ever don an inappropriately-grungy hoodie in the National Football League. Known for his meticulous preparation and child-like giggles, Belichick told reporters this week that the Patriot offense is ready to execute the much anticipated “Ark of the Covenant” play. The stunningly dangerous play, which involves the entire team stacking on top of each other’s shoulders and falling headlong into the end-zone, has yet to be attempted in the NFL.

“We probably spent somewhere between 15 to 85 percent of our time preparing to run the Ark,” said Belichick in his typical non-informative fashion as he hid all of his face except his nose and eyes inside his hoodie.

Although Belichick did not divulge any more details on the teams preparations, team mascot and Tight-End Rob Gronkowski spoke openly to reporters. “The key is to be able to climb up on each others’ backs before the base player, obviously Julian Edleman, is tackled by the defense, knocking down our human tower before we can gracefully fall forward into victory. We’ve practiced multiple approaches, like either throwing or handing Tom [Brady] up the human ladder. Needless to say, he’s not a big fan of the concept.”

Also needless to say: we will all be watching closely each time the Patriot offense lines up 10 yards out of the endzone.

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