Herp Humphries was just like any other twenty-five year old, other than having a really strange first name.
All that changed late last week when he sat down in a local coffee shop to listen to his favorite theological podcast. “I had some time off and just decided to go to my favorite, local, artisan coffeehouse – Starbucks – and zone out while listening to some mind-numbing theological pontification,” said Herp.
He ordered his drink and sat down to indulge his theological yearnings when he discovered his headphones had become hopelessly entangled. Mr. Humphries said of the event, “I thought, ‘Ah, not this again.’ All I wanted was a relaxing afternoon.”
Herp says he began untangling the headphones when something curious happened. “The whole room got kind of dark and it felt like I was being sucked into a black hole. I could see all of the planets. Like, all of them, even Pluto. It was like someone opened up my brain and dumped in the whole universe. I could instantly understand all of humanity’s interconnectedness with itself and the universe. All of a sudden I could see and understand how everything works.”
Humphries never did get around to listening to that theological podcast, and it wouldn’t have benefitted him much anyway since he now understands everything and is basically a pantheist.
“I’m not sure what was in that coffee,” said Herp, “but I will be making it a point to go back there every Friday and untangle more headphones.”
