5 Well-Known Pastors Told Us About The First Time They Preached A Sermon

"I stared at the ceiling, waiting to begin. After he was done, he kissed my forehead and then I screamed my sermon like a turtle dove."

“I did my best to contain myself. Nobody told me I would feel this amount of excitement as I walked into the pulpit for the first time. Charles Barkley put one of his jerseys on me from his time with the Houston Rockets and quietly sang Adelle’s first full album in my ear. I stared at the ceiling, waiting to begin. After he was done, he kissed my forehead and then I screamed my sermon like a turtle dove.”

-Greg Laurie

“The first time I preached, I did it front of my favorite animal at the zoo: the majestic Silverback Gorilla. These Silverbacks are so large and powerful, and they, of course, demand all of our respect. They can live up to fifty years old and can weigh up to three-hundred and fifty pounds! That put “the fear” into my homiletic approach. I climbed the fence slowly, handed him some beef and attempted to kiss him. That’s when I experienced a rough beating and some hefty cuts. I immediately began my introduction to the ‘Sermon on the Mount’ while being chased to and fro. It was remarkable.”

-Tim Challies

“I remember my first sermon. I knocked coffee to the floor of a diner, put on my preaching mustache, and began letting loose. It was absolutely inscrutable as I had not yet grown into my fat preaching mustache and the hair was filling my mouth. Six men lifted me, while I was sitting on a chair, to the ceiling tiles as I quoted 1 Corinthians 15 in a garbled fashion. I was sure to bless each of these men with a holy kiss.”

-Paul Tripp

“Everyone remembers the horror of their first sermon. After I laid my decent skull on a pillow, I had a dream that every single member of the Gaither Band approached me. They wanted to teach me how to swim, so they brought me to a pool full of red jelly and put water wings on my arms. ‘That’s fine,’ I said. We all got into the red pool together, exchanged some holy kisses, and I went on and on about Romans 9. I woke up in a hot sweat vowing to never swim with the Gaithers again.”

-Conrad Mbewe

“My first sermon was…unpleasant. I stood in front of the church and began my introduction. I realized that I forgot to prepare for whatever the heck comes after the introduction. I introduced my sermon, but then had to stop because I had nothing else to say. On top of that, I forgot to give my elders ‘The Kiss of the Brethren’ before I went up there. Because I had left out so many important details, they ducktaped my hands together and wouldn’t release me until the following Sunday. I never made that mistake again until the next month.”

-Josh Buice

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