Here’s A List of Names Found in the Bible That Kevin Will Use For His Unborn Child If He Knows What’s Good For Him

1. Adrammelech (a-dram’-mel-ek) We like this one, and Kevin will like it too if he knows what’s good for him. Sharp and guttural, “Adrammelech” would look terrific on your strong son’s...

1. Adrammelech (a-dram’-mel-ek)

We like this one, and Kevin will like it too if he knows what’s good for him. Sharp and guttural, “Adrammelech” would look terrific on your strong son’s desk or prison cell.

Means: Magnificence of the king; king of fire; the adorned king; honor of the king; Adar is king.

2. Ramathmizpeh (ra’-math-miz’peh)

If you’re not all that excited about #1, “Ramathmizpeh” might be up your alley, Kevin. Imagine his future wife, Agar, calling him and the children to dinner with this beautiful, hunk-ish name.

Means: Height of the watchtower. Height of Mizpeh. Mizpeh = A watchtower; (root has force of looking out afar).

3. Parvaim (par-va’-im)

People are tired of your pretentious-nature, Kevin. Naming your first-born son “Parvaim” might make people start liking you and inviting you to their Christmas parties again.

Means: Oriental regions; eastern. (The country from which the gold was procured).

4. Dizahab (diz’-a-hab)

Let’s be honest dirty, old, sweaty-Kevin: When was the last time you made a good impression on something other than your couch cushions? You can finally make a difference by naming your ugly spawn Dizahab.

Means: A place abounding with gold.

5. Mahershalalhashbaz (ma’-her-sha’-lal-hash’-baz)

This is your last chance, Kevin.

Means: Haste to the spoil; hasten the spoil; rush on the prey; the spoil hastens; the prey speeds; quick to the prey; to hasten the booty and hurry the spoil.

 

 

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