Jeff Foxworthy is one of the most respected comedians of our time. His success on-stage hasn’t translated to his off-stage persona, however. Here are all the times J. Foxworthy crashed his burnt orange Hummer during The Happy Rant Podcast introduction.
1. On his early-morning commute to a local Golden Corral: On his daily, early-morning drive to a local GC to eat, meditate, and facilitate debate and good conversation regarding ethics and philosophy, J-Fox turned on The Happy Rant Podcast and, upon hearing the loud, searing introduction, slammed his Hummer into a church steeple. “It was so dad-gum loud and high-pitched. I lost my dang mind,” Foxworthy said as he ate a plate of moist onion rings.
2. While traveling to a Peoria, Illinois Golden Corral for the family Christmas party: Foxworthy was startled as he increased the volume and heard that ominous, blood-curdling, electronic-y sound-cornucopia. Foxworthy: “I was looking forward to my dazzling sons Crunge and Filspane unwrapping their large portraits of me eating pudding on Christmas morning. Then the ‘Intro of Death’ paralyzed me and sent me into a frozen lake.”
3. While transporting a Hummer-load of earnest and curious 5th graders on the way to Golden Corral Camp: Jeff Foxworthy loves to abruptly and firmly quiz 5th graders on important subjects, including Math, Science, and History. An incredible moment happened, however, when, on the way to Golden Corral Camp, Jeff pushed play on his Discman and The Happy Rant Podcast introduction disoriented him like a frag grenade. This caused a chain of events that sent the Hummer through rings of fire and into the home of Cy Young winner Greg Maddux.
4. On the way to Golden Corral Comedy Club in Louisville, Kentucky: Just before making high-brow jokes to the good people of Kentucky, searching for last-minute inspiration, Jeff Foxworthy pushed play on his tape player and heard the afformentioned introduction. This caused him to put the Hummer in reverse and drive for a quarter mile. “It was one of the scariest moments of my life,” Foxworthy would go on to say while ironically holding salami under his chin.
5. While driving to the set of Red Necks: The Red Necks Read Next Bread Texts 2: Excited to film the sequel of RNTRNRNBT, Foxworthy filled his Hummer with ham and devilled eggs and left his West Virginia penthouse apartment. The disorienting intro of The Happy Rant Pod blasted through the speakers, and Foxworthy immediately reclined his seat to the sleeping position and tried to take a nap. His car drove straight into a Golden Corral, and the insightful comedian went to jail over and over again from that moment on.