Amazing: Barnabas Piper, Joshua Harris, Carman, Kirk Cameron, And Paul Washer Finally Share Their Darkest Secrets With Us

Incredible.

“Sometimes my stuffed animals throw me a surprise birthday party. They all take turns saying nice things about me—I know it’s not real—and they sing “Happy Birthday” and everything. Then they beg me to give a concert, and I do! It’s probably gonna happen tonight. [inaudible] Yeah. [muted giggling]  And you know what? [whispering] It’s not even my birthday.”

-Carman, recovered from 1987 evidence tape in relation to a Paul Crouch defamation lawsuit

“I keep a Denmark flag in my sock drawer. I like to occasionally hang it up on my bedroom wall and just stare at it for a while, really getting into the head-space of someone who loves Denmark and is from there and everything. Then I swear allegiance to the great nation out loud. Then I yank the flag off the wall and stomp on it! The sense of betrayal is exhilarating!”

Kirk Cameron, during a Thursday Night Devotional at Spring Lake Christian Camp

“Oy loik tuh spake in a Bree-eesh ahk-cent when I’m boy moyself, guvnuh, init?” 

-Paul Washer, without hesitation

“I’ve kissed paying taxes goodbye. Shhhh.”

-Joshua Harris, while earnestly copying and pasting 

“I do this thing when I’m recording a podcast, where I pretend I’m talking to a spaceship, like, from another spaceship. And all the spaceships are part of a big war, trying to defeat an evil alien overlord who has outlawed all unsanctioned commerce. Seriously, if you listen to my podcasts with that in mind, almost everything I say makes way more sense.”

-Barnabas Piper, unprompted

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