ELITE PROFILE: George Whitefield 

Wow!

In ELITE PROFILES, we tell you everything you need to know about Evangelicalism’s ELITIEST and most important humans to have ever existed on God’s green earth. 

George Whitefield was probably the most famous religious figure of the eighteenth century, and throughout his beautiful life, he preached at least 18,000 times to perhaps 10 million hearers. He also ate plenty of bread and drank enough water for all of us. Here are some amazing facts about him.

George was born with a defective mouth. It was defective and absolutely unusable. In order for his small, defective mouth to open up wide, Whitefield’s incredible parents cracked it completely open by pounding it on an anvil. “Twent it opened,” his mother Elizabeth wrote on a piece of paper, showed it to a few bystanders while yelling, and burnt it to a crisp. Nobody really understood what she meant, but the bleeding boy finally had a mouth to make noises and eat with.

Shortly after graduating college, Whitefield woke up from a dream in which he had to stop two medium-sized Arsenio Halls from doing patented fist pumps during their talk-show intros. Arsenio immediatiely told him it was time to grab something stupid tall and start preaching on it. Fortunately, he found two men by the name of John and Charles Wesley, stacked them on top of each other, and started making his mouth open and close. He couldn’t figure it all out right away, but he eventually got the gist of it. Incoherant words and random screams poured out of his decent mouth, which eventually led to full sentences, and, later, a full sermon.

The Wesley brothers faithfully served as his elevated stage for many years, but Calvinism deeply gripped his heart. The Wes bros were not Calvinists. This is why George would let the crowd watch him use the sun and his spectacles to burn holes in Arminian Wesleys’ fine clothes and hair.

He had some big, dad gum yawns. His long, powerful yawns were as pure and ebullient as could be.

George Whitefield was basically on the fence about the incandescent lightbulb his entire adult life. Yes, despite his love for doctrine and preaching the Gospel to the unregenerate, you may be disappointed to find out that Whitefield had no real opinions about the incredible fact that Thomas Edison succeeded in creating the first reliable (therefore marketable) light bulb. His bulbs made after 1880 lasted a whopping 600 hours. This did not excite George at all.

Everywhere Whitefield preached, he collected support for an orphanage he had founded in Georgia. Out of this orphanage came the entire cast of Step By Step. Christine Lakin, Patrick Duffy, Suzanne Sommers, Christopher Castile, Brandon Call, and Josh Byrne: all former orphans at Whitefield’s orphanage.

Incredible!

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