Thrilling: Four Cassandra’s Explain What Complimentarianism Means To Them


Complimentarianism is the prevalent Christian belief that men and women have different but complementary roles and responsibilities in marriage, family life, leadership, and elsewhere. We spoke to four Cassandra’s, and they told us what Complimentarianism means to them.

1. Cassandra Brunt

“What does Complimentarianism mean to me? It means my husband Larry keeps as much helium in my lungs as possible. It means always walking around sounding like a sassy chipmunk whenever I go to the grocery store to buy all of Larry’s raisins.”

2. Cassandra Brindle-Problem

“Complimentarianism means I get to clone my husband as many times as I want. I have a garage full of my heavy-set husbands, but they all need to be fed. Thankfully, because there are so many of them, my lungs are always full of helium, and my tone mimics Alvin, from Alvin and the Chipmunks.”

3. Cassandra Hürpürt

“Complimentarianism means setting aside my own needs for the needs of my handsome husband Jeffery. As long as there is food on the table, he keeps the helium a’flowing. My Rosie O’Donnel voice immediately ascends to that of a three-year-old girls’.”

4. Cassandra Glands

“Complimentarianism means safety and security. It means service and sacrificial love. It means trekking through the desert to find whichever cactus resembles my husband lifting weights the most, cutting it down, carrying one on my back, and receiving as much helium as I want in my lungs from my dear husband Ricky.”

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