Dr. Michael Brown, esteemed radio host of Line of Fire and Ask Dr. Brown, made an incredibly kind and beautiful gesture Saturday morning. He purchased a musty, abandoned building for Hollywood actor Ted Danson to sleep inside of on weekends. According to Dr. Brown, the Holy Spirit led him to provide this respite for an aging Danson, who, unfortunately lives nowhere near Concord, North Carolina, his hometown.
“I was swallowing some warm oatmeal with a group of friends when I went into a disturbing trance,” Dr. Brown claimed while trying to brush his teeth and listening to Steven Curtis Chapman’s I’m Diving In. “The trance was disturbing and filled with emotionless children holding signs that said, ‘Go ahead and buy that abandoned building on I-44 for Hollywood prince Ted Danson.’ I said ‘Fine,’ pulled the pin on a grenade and launched it into the crowd of phantom children.”
Michael Brown finished his oatmeal, bellowed a beautiful, melodic goodbye to his oatmeal buddies, and got in his car. The rest was a piece of cake.
“The abandoned building is wrought with vermin. Nobody was going to buy that gross home,” said Dr. M. Brown. “I snatched it up for thirty grand and wrote an email to sixty-nine year old Ted Danson. I let him know the Holy Spirit explicitly told me, through an oatmeal-induced trance, that this place is available for him on the weekends.”