We’ve heard these phrases time and time again from fellow Christians who mean well, but clearly know very little about the Bible. It’s time to face the loud, screeching music. These common Christian phrases are in no way used or endorsed in the Bible:
1. “Don’t tickle the bull if you can’t puncture his lungs!”
If I had a nickle for every time I heard this warning as a child I’d have a very large mason jar filled with shiny nickles. Christian parents and teachers mean well when they say this phrase, but that doesn’t make it Biblical!
2. “Bless your deacon, kiss his feet! Give the treasurer some meat.”
Although some may argue that bestowing meat upon your church treasurer is as Christian as Old Testament Pie, this nifty rhyme is listed in absolutely zero of my Bible pages.
3. “If you don’t keep your lawn mowed, the Philistine fish-god named Dagon will be your cyber bully!”
Sometimes Christians like to encourage each other to be good stewards of our private grass patches, but this overused threat crosses the line into the slimy, grim world of bad theology.
4. “Celebrate good time, come on!”
You’re not a true Protestant if you don’t hear and scream this phrase several times during your church’s song singing time. However, most theologians who have drunk the Protestant’s Punch Drink agree that this phrase did not originate in any of the Pauline epistles.
5. “May your children’s children be children indeed.”
Although the sentiment is sweet and quaint, it is not necessarily a Biblical one.
6. “I hope Joel Osteen shimmies down your chimney and eats your misery casserole.”
Whenever a fellow brother or sister is going through tough times, it’s tempting to use this Christian classic to let him know that you hope his bad times turn into good times. Although this phrase is cute and comforting, it’s just not based on any Bible passage.
7. “Away with you, foul bee keeper of Samaria!”
Don’t let the “Samaria” fool you – this is not a Biblical phrase. It’s time we Christians remove this sentence from our repertoire or reprimands.