When the world thinks about “The Fonz,” “Fonzie,” or “The Hip Leatherboy Of Old,” it is divided into two opposing camps: 1) Arthur Fonzerelli of Happy Days was a decent man full of vim and vigor, but he in no way was as cool as he looked, and 2) The Fonz was absolutely, 102% as cool as he looked, and if you disagree you are probably a Scientologist or you regularly do announcements for your church.
We are divided as a nation. Is he or isn’t he that cool?
Dimmpt Gerard of Tennessee recently posted an opinion regarding this hefty subject on Facebook. The comments alone display its divisive nature. “I re-posted an article affirming that ‘The Hip Leather Boy Of Old’ was indeed as cool as he looked, and I immediately received death threats and horrible swears,” he reported. “This is a volatile subject that I will never breach again.”
In our quest to find the answer, we came across a church through incredible videos online. With one mind, they are fully convinced that Arthur Fonzerelli was totally as cool as he looks. Super!
We recently visited the United Pentecostal Church in Murphy, Iowa to see what all this was about. When we entered the building, they immediately began speaking in tongues and throwing sardines into our pockets, sometimes cutting holes in our clothes to put more sardines inside of us. Quite surprisingly, they also offered their tongues’ interpretations. We were blown away.
Here are six tongue utterances that prove “The Fonz” was as cool as he looked:
1. “Bulp bilp tom bilbidydreams forkloopity sam sam sam sam weed nilt crabcram bulpty tarmacdwimplepeen.”
Interpretation: “The Fonz’s catchphrase ‘Ayyyyyyy’ validates that he, in fact, was as cool as he appeared in the 70’s sitcom Happy Days.”
2. “Milkomeal plubisplam horticulturasticas feelityprontus woolymouth browtownbrowtown mormondrop antiscreen of wheat.”
Interpretation: “Consider the many times Fonzie was succesfully able to turn the jukebox on with his stupidly handsome fist.”
3. “Nancyreaganpoormeacupofjoeifitsofficiallychristmastime beanspregnant floridbeansandteeth.”
Interpretation: “You may giggle at his plain white t-shirt and oiled-up scalp, but that was the fashion of the time, Jeff.”
Interpretation: “As far as I recall, ‘The Fonz’ never made bathroom on the show, which is one of the coolest aspects of this giant of a man.”
Interpretation: “Arthur Fonzerelli was a babe-magnet. Cool people are babe-magnets GLORIA LEAVE MY MOIST DENTURES ALONE!”
Interpretation: “Remember that time The Fonz rescued a cat from a tree for the little girl that spray painted a Nazi symbol on his door and was certainly a Communist? Fonz-Boy was one cool, leathery man.”