Everyone’s Talking About Franklin Graham’s New Golden Scepter

"We look forward to many adventures ahead for Franklin and his brand-new scepter."

Franklin Graham finally got a beautiful, beaming golden scepter, and the bubbly spittle in our mouths won’t stop pouring out onto our dungarees!

As Graham moved from cable network to cable network yesterday, explaining the in’s and out’s of religious freedom, many took notice of the new golden scepter he was using to emphasize important points and shoo away annoying interns. The scepter appears to be between ten to twelve inches long and solid gold. Wow!

Hollywood’s elite certainly took notice. Bill Murray tweeted out yesterday afternoon, “I love my family and friends, but perhaps I love Franklin Graham’s golden septor (sic) a bit more.” Former NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon was a tad more criticle, “I wish Franklin didn’t have that golden sepptor (sic) in his had (sic) right now.”

Perhaps former teen heart-throb Ryan Cabrera had the best line of the night, “Franklin Graham’s cepter (sic) is so ugly it made One Direction go another direction.”

The hashtag #FranklinsScepter trended for several hours yesterday afternoon.

Whatever your opinion regarding Franklin Graham’s gold-infused, handsome scepter, it doesn’t bother former revivalist Billy Graham’s Fantastic Boy one iota. “Franklin received the golden scepter as a prize. He won a dance marathon, simple as that. He danced into the night and won. He is the rightful owner. He was the last man standing. He earned it,” asserted Graham’s spokesman, Kevin Kevens. “He is very proud of his golden sceptor. He sleeps with it and bathes with it. I also caught him talking to it about a movie called Animal House.

We look forward to many adventures ahead for Franklin and his brand-new scepter.

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