Last December, Ben Silbermann, Pinterest CEO and amateur disc-golfer, hinted at a new release that would “cause the Internet’s peoples to rejoice.” Silbermann lived up to his promise this week as Mormon Pinterest was officially announced. Here are six reasons we think you will love Mormon Pinterest so much friends will ask, “why don’t you just marry it?” (Which one can legally do as Mormon Pinterest is polygamous).
1. Every time you pin something, Mitt Romney will personally invite you to babysit one of his children
Just have him in bed by seven and make sure your freezer is fully stocked with frozen waffles.
2. That annoying pin is replaced with “Joseph Smith’s Spectacle of Interest”
No more clicking on sharp and dangerous virtual thumbtacks to keep track of your favorite ideas. Mormon Pinterest is fully equipped with “Joseph Smith’s Spectacle of Interest.” Find something interesting you want to pin? Just click on Smitty’s spectacles and watch as a virtual Joseph Smith walks across the screen and fireman lifts your pin back to your pinboard.
3. A weekly delivery of leg lather
After registering for Mormon Pinterest, you will begin receiving small, plastic containers filled to the brim with “Jorge’s Premium Leg Lather.” Apply generously and watch as your chubby legs glimmer and glow in the moonlight.
4. Pre-built Mitt Romney pinboards
Hundreds of them, just filled with pin after pin of the “Mormon Gosling.”
5. The future world you will rule over as a god will include zero Nickelbacks
The Mormon Church has promised to manually remove all Nickelbacks from the future universes of every subscriber. Enjoy your future baby-infested solar system without the annoyance of Chad Kroeger’s hair choices.
6. Everything is so milky white you will have a seizure
But that’s okay because Mitt Romney is coming over to drop off one of his kids.