We’re Mainly Just Concerned That The Woman Who Made This Has Been Raptured 

"I guess what we're trying to say is that she's missed, and her being raptured early before the rest of the church isn't entirely unlikely and out of the question."

Cray-Linda Burpharden found some paper plates, crayons, glue, and paper; she really went to town on this beautiful rendition of Jesus’ baptism! We are just a little worried that she has been raptured, because we haven’t heard from her for a while.

Cray-Linda attends Wilmerton Baptist Church of St. Louis, Missouri and is known for her fine singing voice, intense eyes, and her love for arts and crafts. I guess what we’re trying to say is that she’s missed, and her being raptured early before the rest of the church isn’t entirely unlikely and out of the question.

Last Wednesday, Cray-Linda left her apartment to pick up some groceries and visit a friend. Indeed, the security cameras confirm that she bought fourty-six heads of lettuce and took a drink out of some 2% milk and put it back. She never made it to see her friend that day, however.

It wouldn’t be unprecendented for someone to be taken to Heaven without dying: Elijah and Enoch immediately come to mind. We will simply hope for the best, as she is dearly loved by all of us. We really appreciate her craftiness and her ability to keep glue from oozing out between two paper plates.

Let’s just pray that Cray-Linda hasn’t been raptured before the rest of us, and that she will return to us with open arms. We would hate for her to have left us out of spite.

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