5 Things That Happened At Every Church Lock-In When You Were A Kid

"We all remember closing our eyes upon entering the lock-in and opening them three-hours later when it was time to cut the sacred meat-pie."

Pizza. Bible Bingo. Dodgeball: If you’re a 90’s kid, you remember church lock-ins fondly; and absolutely none of you left a plastic swimming pool full of rice pudding to voice your displeasure, because those 12-hours were the bomb. Here are 5 Things that always happened at lock-ins when you were a kid:

1. Ashton Kutcher stopped by with his big bag of waste.

“Here he comes!” we all remember screaming with delight as That 70’s Show star Ashton Kutcher walked into the building with his big trash bag full of waste materials to pass around. You know you’re a 90’s kid if you remember Mr. Kutcher popping by while you were playing Texas Hold’em poker with his big bag of old, moist waste.

2. Almost nobody opened their eyes for the first three hours.

We all remember closing our eyes upon entering the lock-in and opening them three-hours later when it was time to cut the sacred meat-pie.

3. Everyone grew a tail, cut it off, and grew a second, more majestic tail.

This ranks high in many 90’s kids memories of church lock-ins. The joy of pushing out that scaly green tail the first time made us want to push another one out, so we cut off tail #1 and grew a second one. You certainly remember your leaders blasting sirens to prevent you from trying to cut off the second Green Stump of Dignity sprouting out of our coccyx!

4. You separated into two groups: the “Porks” and the “Narks.”

If you were a 90’s church kid, you remember the challenge of wearing only leather clothing in the summer if you were a “Pork,” and the difficulty of being sprayed with mace every time you used a pronoun if you were a “Nark.”

5. Someone always got kidnapped and raised by a pack of street pigeons.

We all remember one of our loved-ones being kidnapped and raised by a pack of street-pigeons only to be returned to the next lock-in. Assimilating our old captured-friends back into society was never easy, but it was all worth it for the big, beautiful lock-in you were forced to attend!

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