This Neon Sign Is Probably Responsible For Reigniting The War On Christmas

Just when Evangelicals believed the War on Christmas was settled, shots rang out again from a small diner in Oswego, Illinois. Ray’s Coffee Cup, known for its laid-back feel...

Just when Evangelicals believed the War on Christmas was settled, shots rang out again from a small diner in Oswego, Illinois. Ray’s Coffee Cup, known for its laid-back feel and average food, displayed a neon sign that appeared to mock the Christian holiday. “We couldn’t believe our eyes,” one resident of Oswego said. “We thought the War on Christmas was over after Josh Feuerstein made viral videos about those evil anti-Christmas cups at Starbucks and all those people protested Walmart because they made their greeters say swear words like ‘Happy Holidays.’ Now the war is on again because this formerly uncontroversial establishment chose to mock us with that neon sign.”

JoshuaFeuerstein-620x412.jpg

Evangelicals hope that two Josh Feuersteins will save Christmas of 2017 from the Atheists.

Christians are ready to bring out their big guns: two equally loud Josh Feuersteins. That’s double the viral videos and double the outrage. “We’re gonna’ do what we can with this two Josh Feuersteins. If they don’t save Christmas, and Trump doesn’t save Christmas, we’ll all have to go back to the days when we could only look at trees with half a binocular and exchange newspaper articles we wrote out of the goodness of our hearts,” Evangelical Pope Russell Moore proclaimed. “Lets hope our double-barrel Josh Feuersteins win our Christmas back.”

 

Categories
News
Sign up for The Weekly Cherub
Receive special offers, cast your beautiful gaze on updates, be automatically signed up for prizes, and enjoy the most popular posts of the week.

RELATED BY