Vatican, Rome — Pope Francis offered his prayers and best wishes to the family of the former Communist leader Fidel Castro today, surprising many Cuban immigrants and those with a High School education. Though it is very likely that Castro was responsible for the deaths of 100’s of thousands of Cubans, ruling them with an iron fist, the Pope found time to make this statement:
I offer prayers to the Lord for his rest and I entrust the whole Cuban people to the maternal intercession of our Lady of the Charity of El Cobre, patroness of that country.
Our reporters at The Daily Cherub are hearing whispers that Pope Francis wants to fast-track the Dictator to Sainthood. Francis is evidently unhappy with the way things are running, desiring to make a change. “The Saints are becoming more and more undisciplined and unruly,” one source close to the Vatican claimed. “Some, including St. Valentine and St. Paul, to be sure, are planning a revolt. This is why we can expect Fidel Castro to be canonized within the next few years. It’s getting pretty bad out there.”
It is unclear whether or not the Lady of the Charity of El Cobre is included in the potential revolt against the Papal-system. If she is, we can expect St. Fidel of Cuba to put an end to that nonsense. “He just wants to make Sainthood great again,” claimed another source. “Catholics aren’t winning anymore. The scandals, infused righteousness, the 95 Theses: we’re tired of losing. St. Fidel can shake up the system and be a deal-maker.”