Offensive: A Vandal Spray-Painted A Stupid Boat On The Ark Encounter And It Is Grossly Inaccurate


A half-wit, pea-brained, nasty vandal really blew it this time. Now, as a result, we’re thinking about throwing dead locusts at our mailman with a hypnotized Jerry Seinfeld.

What. In. The. World: the dirty hoodlum had all night to put together a decent representation of Noah’s big fat Ark, and, instead of giving 100% effort, he mailed it in. There is no way baby dinosaurs, meerkats, and baboons could fit in there.


The Ark measured 300 × 50 × 30 cubits (Genesis 6:15), which is about 140 × 23 × 13.5 metres or 459 × 75 × 44 feet, so its volume was 43,500 m³ (cubic metres) or 1.54 million cubic feet.

The ugly vandal wasn’t even close with his hack-job. It’s a mess. Totally not believable. May our children and our children’s children find shelter to protect themselves from this abomination.

According to the Bible, the ark had three decks. This rendition on the side of the Ark was obviously slapped together without an ounce of reverance, and we are offended. This has led us to consider rebooting the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire gameshow with Kevin Bacon as the host.

This dad gum delinquant had so much potential. A wonderful life of vandalism was in his future. The world was his oyster, but he threw it all away.  There simply isn’t anything more excruciating than the squandering of so much promise.

Let this horrific story be a lesson for all of us and our children.

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