April 10, 2017
“In order to sufficiently bring a Senior Citizen to a state of euphoric laughter, you must first sit down with an elderly gentleman and let him feed you hard candies and fill your pockets with small change. Give him a moment to tell you about the latest bird he spotted. Sing a familiar jingle with him, or try on his dentures for a while. My meals basically consist of pudding and other soft foods. Now that I am basically a ninety-year old man in a fifty-year old man’s dead corpse, I can sufficiently coax an elder to let out a laugh or two.”
-Jeff Foxworthy, on comedy
“I was 99.9% sure that Sinbad starred in a movie in which he played a hip genie. He didn’t, however, and now my publisher has to reprint my book, Sinbad: A Wet Kiss From Heaven.“
-Dr. Gary Chapman, on flexibility
“Michael Jordan should have won the ’96-97 MVP award. Karl Malone was a great player and all, but MJ got robbed. Also, what is ‘El Niño’ and how does it affect the Earth’s atmospheric conditions?”
-Rick Joyner, unprompted
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Christian Voices