Is Google Being Controlled By Nikolae Carpathia From The “Left Behind” Series?

An investigative piece on the inner workings of the Google and how their goal is to deceive you.

This is a simple question that demands an answer because, well, most of us use it everyday to search sports teams and hairstyles. After an unbelievable, four hour-long, in-depth investigation, we think we have an answer for you.
The answer is: No. Well, yes. Ummm –maybe.

After hours of investigation and countless clicks on the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button, what we found was pretty disturbing. We believe our findings will maybe-sort-of rock the Search Engine Industrial Complex, from Carpathia’s Reptilian Overlords manipulating your search results, right down to their immaculately groomed landscaping.

The first thing that shocked our moist, wet eyes was that our search results contained numerous mentions of Harambe and Lady Gaga. These searches were also inexplicably filled with images of George Clooney, even when we weren’t searching for anything related to those topics.

So, we dug deeper.

Soon, our search results were producing hypnotizing videos filled with psychedelic colors, flashing lights, triangles, and strange voices, milk jugs, the guy from Happy Days, a bushel of wheat, and an internet man. Now, we aren’t saying that these results were engineered by Nikolae Carpathia in order to turn you into his dirty demon, but, come on: what else could it be?

To sum everything up:

  • Some words you can search have six letters (the number of the Anti-Christ is 666).
  •  We get super weirded out every time we see Google’s “I’m Feeling Lucky” button change over to “I’m Feeling Curious.”
  • As one of the most valuable companies in the world, we’re one-hundred percent sure that it’s already been infiltrated by Left Behind’s Anti-Christ Nikolae Carpathia’s Reptilian Overlords.

Our recommendation: if anyone is currently using the Google search engine or their Chrome browser, immediately cease and desist. Douse your desktop computer in hot oil and begin singing the Left Behind theme song, “Kirk Cameron Is My Beautiful Sparrow.”

We can’t say for sure that Nikolae Carpathia, the Anti-Christ from the Left Behind series, is controlling Google to make you his nasty old demon, but we wouldn’t risk it. Your eternal destiny hangs by a thread.

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