It’s happening: a brand-new, early 2000’s-version of Mark Driscoll has hatched, and now we will have to endure at least sixty more years of his stand-up comedy, crude metaphors, and sermons that feature solid minutes of exhausting handstands.
Not only will we be able to enjoy a decent, Arizona-hot, ratcheted-down Mark Driscoll from afar, we will also get to experience a furious, consistently angry and underpaid Mark Driscoll while sipping light beer.
Buckle your seat belts, ladies and gentlemen. 2017 is going to be lit!
The egg was found and sat on by a heavy, brown bird in Seattle, Washington, and now we get to enjoy curse words and harsh, belittling statements from the front of a church again.
Many nominal and disenfranchised young people in Seattle are brimming with anticipation as they wait for the recently hatched Mark Driscoll to strengthen his vocal cords and enter a pulpit angry for the first time. “When Mark left Seattle the first time, we all cried for days and then went antiquing. Now, Mark is back, and we couldn’t be more scared and more happy at the same time,” Asher Reeth-Pilltrain told The Daily Cherub.
After promptly shooting the heavy, brown bird with his bow-staff, Pastor John Piper was excited to give recently-hatched Mark Driscoll the right hand of fellowship and immediate ministry-approval. “After he cracked the egg with his powerful MMA punches and exited while screaming hoarse expletives,” said John Piper while holding several plants, “I knew he was filled with the Spirit and was ready to prophesy in front of a large crowd of irresponsible Millennials for many years to come.”
What a blessing!
