Donald “Anonymous” Carson, an able-bodied, yet widely-ignored author of many books we haven’t read, is not giving up quite yet. Admittedly, there’s an extremely high chance you won’t be making your way to Amazon to purchase one of his homemade paper-back “Word Collections” after reading this, but you have to appreciate this man’s tenacity. At seventy-years of age, Mr. Carson recently learned how to ride on his grandson’s small, ten-speed mountain bike, just to prove he still has it in him.
Carson’s frail and pale neighbor, Jerry Briner, was one of only three witnesses. He describes the scene as “heart warming” and “tear inducing.” Reportedly, Mr. Carson gave self transporting on two wheels the old college try several times down the sidewalk in front of his house, as his grandson and a nervous looking John Piper held either end of his handlebars.
After several assisted runs, Carson shooed his assistants away with a rolled up newspaper and muffled grunting. “He was ready, you could see it in his eyes. You could also hear it in those awful, bone-shaking grunts,” said Jerry. “Donny awkwardly pedaled and tried keeping his balance for a few seconds before taking off like a beautiful Faroese Goose – which is one of the oldest types of domesticated geese in Europe. It was pure majesty!”
D. A. Carson declined to comment on this momentous occasion, but judging by the proud “I told you so” smirk on his face and the way he swiftly threw the bike down on the lawn before strutting into his front door, he must be pretty pleased with himself. We have confirmed that the local bike shop, Bill’s Bike and Pool Depot, has placed an order for a tandem bicycle on Amazon this past weekend. We can only assume and lead our readers to believe that this order is for a sassy, self-confident Mr. Carson, who doesn’t really care if you read his papery word journals or not.
Point taken, Don A. Carson. You’ve shown us that age is but a number assigned to us by how many solar cycles around the sun we’ve witnessed.