Whether you are a bratwurst aficionado or a weenie skeptic, you’ve developed an educated and elaborate stance on “the tubular meats.” Let’s face it, there’s no middle ground to stand on in a sausage squabble. Regardless of how deeply entrenched you are in your savory beliefs, you will surely admit that these prominent figures from the Crusades make you question the sausage beliefs you hold deep within the mostly vacant apartments of your clammy, squishy heart.
Pope Urban II
Something about his bushy, unkempt eyebrows stirs deep, emotional responses within your sensitive bowels. His eye mustaches disrupt your hotdog beliefs like my loud cell phone ringing disrupts grandpops pre-meal prayer sentence structures.
Peter the Hermit
You thought you knew bratwursts until you read about this skin-bag of malleable flesh. His teachings and writings have forcefully compelled you to re-learn everything about the “king of oblong meat treats.”
Bernard of Clairvaux
Berny has often been labeled as an “Andouille man living in a Chorizo world.” He is a textbook example of thinking outside the thin, translucent casing of intestinal fortitude that surrounds the lumpy, moist meats of your sausage beliefs. Walk a day in Berny’s soggy shoes and there’s no way your approach to breakfast sausages will not be completely revolutionized.
Philip of Swabia
Philip, also known as “Mr. Starch Pants” by his detractors, spent his lifetime struggling to gain the throne of Germany. It’s that kind of tenacity that inspires all of us to delve deeper into displacing the blind assumptions we hold when it comes to kielbasa. Don’t hesitate to dethrone your personal charcuterie royals as you listen to all the e-books you can find on Phil.