DJT’s tweets made lots of news last week, but there were at least five things President number forty-five did that will force your head to involuntarily swivel back and forth from East to West.
1. The Donald appointed Franklin Graham as “Secretary of Reminding The President That He Is A President.” Last Tuesday, President Trump forgot he won the “President of the USA” award last November and started firing a bunch of US citizens from their jobs like he used to do all the dad gum time! The controversial actions were misunderstood as “aggression” and nearly triggered his impeachment. Now Franklin Graham is responsible to relay the news through trained animals, sticky notes, and Facebook messages that he is indeed the ruler of the Free World.
2. DJT cancelled all birds again. Birds are completely out of the question since DJT signed an executive order that cancels them for the foreseeable future. Try to imagine what they look like as much as you can, because we may forget a bunch of stuff about dumb birds as we grow older.
3. Donald Trump repeatedly pantsed CNN host Brian Stelter at the public pool without documenting it. Trump didn’t have the decency to fill out the correct paperwork after humiliating CNN commentator Brian Stelter in public. Trust us, the American people won’t forget this come 2020.
4. He filmed a Netflix documentary about what it was like watch Steve Bannon fill his mouth full of Sour Patch Kids in the West Wing for several months. Three incredible hours of Bannon chewing and slurping some sour candy.
Sad!
5. Trump played wheelchair basketball. Trump loves his golf, but, last week, it was all about wheelchair basketball. Agile and smooth, Trump put in a full day last Saturday as a member of the Washington Loungemen and average 36 points and 11 assists.
