Let’s face it: the propaganda coming out of Elevation Church News Channel is so over-the-top that Andy Stanley is actually a little embarrassed. We’re so infuriated, our gums are bleeding a lot more when we brush our teeth! Joel Osteen, after watching several hours, even suggested that Steven should “drink a gallon of milk, look at some penguins online, chillax, and exercise restraint.”
Wow!
Here are four HUGE lies spread by Elevation Church News Channel:
1. The Hot Pocket. Rickard Banner-Peen, an ECNC anchor, claimed on-air last Fall that Steven brilliantly invented what we know now as the “Hot Pocket” — only Furtick calls it a “pizza envelope.” Through the Fall and Winter months, Steven uncomfortably dropped hundreds of hot “pizza envelopes” on stage while he preached in order to inspire the masses. This was unsuccessful, but ECNC still maintains Steven was the sole inventor of the tiny pizza bag.
2. There is no such thing as an “internet.” Gloria Wendicil passionately told viewers three years ago that “websites are fake” after Furtick’s “Pass The Old Diaper” video accidentally went viral. Receiving tons of negative press and old tuna in the mail, ECNC went to work to convince naive viewers that “internet” was a total hoax foisted on us by drug cartels and Jen Hatmaker. It didn’t work.
3. Wide Receiver Calvin Johnson. ECNC claimed in a March 2016 broadcast that superstar Calvin Johnson retired from the Detroit Lions because he believed Furtick to be the rightful owner of the top receiver spot. “In a beautiful gesture, Johnson willingly quit his job to make room for our beloved father Steven on the Lions’ roster,” Sharla Peltwhistle declared. Furtick, of course, never played a snap.
4. Tom Hanks. ECNC spun an all-timer when they told their viewers that Sr. Tom Hanks, video-maker and actorm’n, is obligated to make copies of all photograph he takes with his phone. According to ECNC, Hanks must smile real big and write on them, “Thanks Steven For The Role Of A Life-Time: As Your Biggest Fan,” and send them to Steven.
Wow! What a doozy.
