Ron McMichael noticed something eerie as he entered his third hour on his weekly podcast “Grace Upon Brace,” an in-depth conversation that promises to “make people think about knee braces in a godly manner, rather than stigmatizing knee brace-wearers as horrible fathers and deadbeat uncles.” As Ron began his pan-flute segment that exactly zero people are going to listen to, let’s be honest, McMichael heard the wooden floors creak behind him. “I knew someone had broken in as I had just found myself inheriting forty-billion dollars from my deadbeat, brace-wearing Grandfather. I turned around and noticed a meaty man donning red flannel and saying ‘Git-R- Done’ with every step. I knew I was getting robbed but kept rolling, playing sweet tunes on my pan flute.”
“I stole every penny of his, around forty-billion dollars. He continued to record his podcast, and as I listened to it later, I could hear myself repeating my signature phrase over and over again. I didn’t even whisper!” recalled Larry the Cable Guy.