What a blessed day it was at Salem Bible Church in Salem, West Virginia last Sunday, when, reportedly, in honor of Christmas and the men who died for it, Pastor Ralmond Cohen set out peppermint bark instead crackers for their monthly communion participation. Discernment bloggers, typically on the case, haven’t picked up their loud, clickey keyboards to tell everyone. Discernment blogs, who are known for discerning things like this publicly on the internet, were either tired or really, really not mad about what just happened at Salem Bible Church.
“We expected alot of backlash,” said Bill Young, teaching elder at SBC. “We got none, and we are happy about that. Usually discernment blogs like Pulpit and Pen will come and build a Lego wall around a Bible and walk around it with trumpets several times to make a statement. Men like JD Hall will crack a few eggs and let them set on our carpets, which will really make a stink. Not this time. We’ve received zero phone calls from people saying they were the manager at our local grocery store wanting all their frozen meats back. It’s been a breath of fresh air.”
Congregants at Salem Bible Church are thankful for the gesture over the holidays. “Maybe we can replace that pulpit with a life-size cut-out of Adam Sandler after all?” Pastor Ralmond screamed at the top of his lungs.
Yes, maybe you can.