After A Full-Frontal Assault On “Jesus Loves Me,” Andy Stanley Sets His Sight On Ruining More Children’s Music This Year

Sunday Schools all over are wondering: what will he ruin next?

Celebrity Pastor and noted children’s music-hater Andy Stanley is no longer satisfied in his effort last September to reduce “Jesus Loves Me” to a mere relic of Christian history. Sources close to Stanley say that The Northpoint Community Church pastor plans to bury a few more Sunday School staples in 2017.

According to Stanley, in his sermon “Who Needs God? The Bible Told Me So,” to say that the “the Bible told me so” is “one of the threads we hear in de-conversion stories all the time, and I have a feeling for many, many, many of you who are losing faith or have lost faith, especially in the Christian faith, this is a bit of the part of your story.”

“‘This Little Light of Mine’ is the next stronghold he’s planning to wipe off the face of this earth with his nuclear word-bombs,” divulged a close friend. “He refuses to uncross his arms during ‘Father Abraham,’ and has never willingly climbed the sycamore tree in ‘Zacchaeus.’ He just pretends to get mauled by a lion in ‘Daniel in the Lion’s Den,’ and he runs away when the giant approaches in ‘David and Goliath.’ I’ve even heard him mutter ‘Mary never had a little lamb. What a ridiculous claim!’ at the gym.”

Apparently Andy Stanley’s hatred for children’s music knows no bounds!

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