7 Unavoidable Things That Happen To Every Missionary

Missionaries are under constant pressure, and their anxiety-levels are through the thatched roof! But we’re sure that you didn’t know missionaries experienced these seven unavoidable things every. single. day....

Missionaries are under constant pressure, and their anxiety-levels are through the thatched roof! But we’re sure that you didn’t know missionaries experienced these seven unavoidable things every. single. day.

1. You are constantly asked for some warm, moist bolognese, even though you never leave the house without carrying a sign that says “Bolognese killed my family.” 

These are some of the most frustrating moments in ministry. Gird your loins: this is only the beginning.

2. The people fill your water tank and toilets with old Discman’s that you must refurbish before the chief casts a spell on you.

Before you move into the village, be sure to hone your Discman repair skills, because this could get ugly. 

3. The band Green Day keeps showing up and ruining important cultural events, and they never apologize.

“Hey we’re Green Day how’s everyone feeling tonight?” makes plenty of sense at, say, Lollapalooza, but while you are assisting in a child birth? Bring a pair of  earplugs from home because you need to focus during this trying time.

4. You must apologize to the elders of your clan for using air quotes too liberally.

Ah, yes: The White Man is doing air quotes again, but in this culture air quoting actually means, “I can do without all this Green Day nonsense. Perhaps they can go back the US. They are washed up and all of their music sounds the same, and their bad-boy act is getting old — what, with their eyeliner and all. Dookie was their last great album.” 

5. Green Day loudly narrates everything you do throughout the day — washing clothes in the river, lighting fireworks, open-hand boxing  — fusing pop and punk together to ignite your soul.

Saddle up cowboy. This horse waits for nobody.

6. The people dig a deep hole to bury you alive, but Billie Joe from Green Day heroically steps in and offers the villagers free tickets. You are safe because of Green Day.
Green Day is maybe okay after all. 

7. Your milk constantly spoils.

Gross!

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Life
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