7 Reasons Why Your Pastor Should Consider The RompHim This Sunday

"Ask your pastor to cool it with the "Man Cards" and start wearing the beautiful RompHim."

It’s time to Collect call, text, or fax your pastor and ask him to consider wearing a RompHim to church. In fact, it would be negligent and unloving if you didn’t. Here are seven reasons why your pastor should wear a sassy RompHim this Sunday:

1. He can’t lose sermon notes in his dress pants anymore: A preacher’s worst fear is getting up in front of the entire congregation and accidentally dropping his Bible and all those papers down his freshly-ironed, Khaki cargos. Like a guitar pick that falls into that weird guitar hole, the pastor must proceed to shake his body violently to eject those sermon notes. A RompHim solves this all-too common pastoral issue.

2. Others will be able to read the entire epistle of 2 Timothy printed on his socks: Why pay hundreds of rupees and gems to get the entire book of 2 Timothy stitched onto your black dress socks by a Eustonian Grandmother if nobody is going to see them? Ask your pastor to consider the RompHim this Sunday.

3. The glow of his thighs will remind his listeners of Moses’ face after coming down Mount Sinai: The moment Reverend Tremplepeen walks up that aisle on his way to the pulpit, the congregation will marvel at his milky-white, nearly translucent thighs. This will trigger memories of Moses coming down the mountain after receiving God’s Law with an insanely glowey face. “This is a serious occasion,” Youth Group Ricky will say as he puts his skateboard down and blows his last bubble. “Reverend Tremplepeen has a Word from God to share with all of us.”

4. He will finally be able to get rid of all those “Man Cards” that were causing others to stumble: Your pastor has accrued way too many “Man Cards” over the years by preaching at funerals, assisting in surgeries, fighting bacteria in his body, and mining coal. His congregants are prone to jealousy over his burdensome “Man Cards” bulging out of his cargo pant pockets, so appearing in a RompHim will ease those tensions. Ask your pastor to cool it with the “Man Cards” and start wearing the beautiful RompHim.

5. A Pastor gleefully introducing the RompHim to his church as an acceptable fashion choice will encourage everyone to try it out: I mean, if guys can get into Essential Oils, they definitely can sport a practical, shirt-pant combination like the RompHim at the next the Sunday morning worship service.

6. Studies show that 93% of pastors will experience a persistent, unquenchable nosebleed while preaching a sermon, and a bloody RompHim can be quickly replaced with a clean one on stage: Because it is a single article of clothing, your pastor can effortlessly remove his bloody RompHim, grab a clean one stowed away in his pulpit, and put on a fresh new one without leaving the stage. It is important that your church service flows smoothly, even during emergencies. The RompHim can help.

7. He will be eligible to join the Celebrity Pastor’s Guild and will receive a complimentary table to preach at for a month: Not to get too pragmatic here, but wearing a RompHim to church on Sunday and posting a picture to Instagram with the hashtag #RompDatReverend will enter your basic pastor into a drawing, which will give him a chance to join the majestic Celebrity Pastor’s Guild. All participants will receive a handsome table to “converse” to his congregation with for an entire month. Hard to beat that deal.

Sign up for The Weekly Cherub
Receive special offers, cast your beautiful gaze on updates, be automatically signed up for prizes, and enjoy the most popular posts of the week.