If you use these sermon titles in 2017, you will probably lose everything you’ve every worked for. Now that we are sharing this advice with you, the blood is on your own hands. We are innocent in this matter.
1. “11 Steps To Biblical Trumpeting”
Killer sermon idea, but people will probably make trumpet sounds during the entire service. Astute, even-handed, veteran Shepherds will avoid this awful, horrible pitfall that will almost certainly guarantee your return to pastoral free-agency next season. A passion-filled congregant might actually bring a brass trumpet, blow into it, and ruin everything you’ve ever worked for. Don’t even think about it.
2. “Women’s Rights? More Like Wo Men! Sr. Ights!”
For you to propose this idea is both offensive and asinine. What’s Ights even mean? Avoid this, or Russell Moore will place you into the hotbox.
3. “When You’re Swallowed by Life’s Whale: How To Prayerfully Induce Vomiting”
Horrifying: You’re missing the point of the book of Jonah, and now I am going to induce vomitting.
4. “Keeping Up With The Pauldashians”
Most pastors have attempted this sermon before, but you want to be the first one to pull this off. Guess what buddy: the copyright laws keep this one from ever being a beautiful home run.
5. “Ratty Ratty Chin Strap”
Mostly garbage. You’re clearly not even trying anymore.