3 Things You Learn When NASA Uses Your Church’s Pews To Keep Their Space Shuttles From Tipping Over


They’ve arrived! NASA employees are power-walking into your church with potent garlic-breath and their bodies covered in Axe Body Spray. They are ready to confiscate your church’s pews. Wow! Here are three things you learn from the life-changing experience.

1. You have somehow forgotten about NASA. Face it: you’re a busy guy or girl and space travel is the farthest thing from your adult-sized brain. These guys launch things into space all the time without the fan-fare of yesteryear. You obviously forgot that there was a NASA, and these employees who have helped themselves to your pews are overworked and under-appreciated. They have attitudes and are pepper-spraying eyes indiscriminately — not exactly your grandpa’s spacem’n.

2. NASA has much more authority than you have given them credit for. After barging into your church on a perfectly normal Sunday morning and loading up all your pews into a trailer, you begin to realize that they can do much more than just shoot big fat rockets into space and probe space aliens. They help themselves to your coffee, scones, toilets, and belts, and there is nothing you can do about it because they are government employees. These guys mean business and tase almost anyone within a five foot radius of them.

3. NASA has not yet perfected the “launch pad” after all these years. They need those space shuttles and rockets to face straight up in the air, but, due to a lack of launch pad technology, the launch pads are inevitably off-kilter. This is where your pews come it.

Sign up for The Weekly Cherub
Receive special offers, cast your beautiful gaze on updates, be automatically signed up for prizes, and enjoy the most popular posts of the week.