You’re totally adorbs.
After filling a bunch of holes in the church basement with that “itchy cotton candy,” you walked over to the drinking fountain to take a giant sip of the cold stuff. You are obviously thirsty from all that hard work, but you forgot an incredibly important gesture:
You forgot to thank the fountain for its contribution.
Everybody knows that water fountains, when under-appreciated, respond negatively by gurgling loudly, screaming when you’re not watching, and dumping warm water all over the carpets . It’s inconvenient, yes. But you couldn’t take five, whole minutes to honor and show the water fountain that you are grateful that it made all that water in its big metal stomach for you to swallow?
Bless your heart.
While you still have a chance, grab a coffee mug out of the kitchen and fill it with toilet water. Proceed to dump it down fountain’s throat while humming the theme to Battlestar Galactica and saying “I’m sorry” while catching your breath. This will smooth things over.
You’re a doofus for mistreating our only drinking fountain, but we love you anyways, brother.
