As of this morning, Ravi Zacharias is officially the newest member of the Utah Jazz. Known for his remarkable rebounding and dribbling-the-ball-through-teammate’s-legs skills, Zacharias was signed to a 10-day “prove it” contract as the Jazz look to gain some momentum near the end of the season. Currently sitting in fourth place and 10.5 games behind the Golden State Warriors in the Western Conference, the non-musical Utah-based bounce-ball squad looks ready to lift some bushy eyebrows in the post season.
“Some see this as a desperation move,” says a remarkably unkempt Quin Snyder, the head coach of rhythm-less hoop-ball team. “I, however, couldn’t be more pleased,” he continued with a wrinkly, half tucked-in shirt and curly bangs draped carelessly over a greasy forehead. “We’ve been watching Ravi ‘Silk Hands’ Z for a while now and we like what we see. I have a moderate amount of confidence that this will turn out for the best,” he concluded with mustard-like stains on his crooked tie.
Fans hope that their disheveled , peanut-breathed coach knows what he’s talking about, but many have taken to social media to express their concerns. “I think Jazz Bear would be a better fit,” tweeted life-long fan Andy Berkenstein, referring to his tuneless jump-and-shoot ball team’s beloved mascot. “Was Ricky Jazz-Jazz The Jazz Man not available?” inquired Dexter Dillonhoe in disbelief on his friendless Facebook page.
Only time will tell how this unprecedented signing works out for Utah’s non-groovy bouncy sphere franchise.
Sources have indicated that Mark Cuban, the general manager of the Dallas Mavericks and amateur jazz drummer, is reportedly interested in signing Ken Ham to a similar deal.