Open Letter: “Mild-Mannered Woman Who Keeps Leaving Easy-Bake Ovens In Our Pews: Enough”

We know you are doing it, Cynthia, and it is clearly a sin-issue. Our elders have addressed your Easy-Bake Oven hijinks for months now, yet you persist in leaving...

We know you are doing it, Cynthia, and it is clearly a sin-issue. Our elders have addressed your Easy-Bake Oven hijinks for months now, yet you persist in leaving old, children’s ovens around our sanctuary, causing our last six custodians to hang up their mop buckets and return to the Custodial Ranch in Oladipo, Texas. Enough is enough.

Cynthia (we don’t even know your last name, so we just call you Cynthia Easy-Baker when you aren’t around), you are the culprit and we ask you, by the power vested in us, to stack all your Easy-Bake Ovens in the back of our sanctuary so we can confiscate them. Not doing this will result in your expulsion.

Categories
Blog
Sign up for The Weekly Cherub
Receive special offers, cast your beautiful gaze on updates, be automatically signed up for prizes, and enjoy the most popular posts of the week.

RELATED BY