Not My Queen: The Queen Of England Wants You To Know She Still Can’t Read Koine Greek

"I want you to know that I still cannot pronounce or understand Koine Greek letters arranged in words and sentences."

Elizabeth II is the Queen of England. Or at least that is what she’d like you to believe.

The year was 1952 when Elizabeth II (pronounced “Elizabeth Two”) put on a large, feathery hat and claimed she was the rightful Queen of England. Surprisingly, the English peoples welcomed her with open arms despite the common knowledge that Elizabeth II could not read a lick of Koine Greek.

As the years went by, the expectation was that The Second Version of Elizabeth would either hire a tutor (not Tudor) or attend a small, well-lit class where she would acquire the skills needed to read Koine Greek. This did not happen.

Once, in 1998, Elizabeth Not Quite The First was spotted holding a manuscript of the ancient Greek language whilst attending a World Cup game in France. Although England went on to beat Colombia 2-0, Elizabeth II was never spotted actually reading the manuscript.

Royal subjects were again disappointed in 2008 when Lizzy 2 was spotted staring at a Greek New Testament for several hours before throwing it down and exclaiming, “Nope. These symbols don’t make a bit of sense to me!”

Over the years, speculations grew that Elizabeth Not Number One had finally learned to read Koine Greek. However, this past week the Queen of “Europe’s Tea Kettle” made a startling confession.

“I’d like everyone to stop what you are doing and listen,” said Elizabeth II. “I want you to know that I still cannot pronounce or understand Koine Greek letters arranged in words and sentences.”

Wow! We can’t even begin to imagine how our cousins across the pond must feel about this revelation.

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