Look At All The Money Southern Baptists Are Paying To Feed This Hungry Yeti In Russell Moore’s Office

The scientific community has generally regarded the Yeti as a legend, given the lack of conclusive evidence. However, now we know, due to files and a recent photo taken...

The scientific community has generally regarded the Yeti as a legend, given the lack of conclusive evidence. However, now we know, due to files and a recent photo taken of The Evangelical Pope Russell Moore, Southern Bapists are paying an exorbitant amount of money every year to feed this constantly-famished Yeti named “Corey.”

According to these overly-detailed files we obtained, as well as a conveniently-taken photo of the President of the ERLC in his office with Corey, Southern Baptists are paying roughly $50,000 per year just to keep the little guy happy so he doesn’t turn on Moore. Startling indeed.

Veronica Mathis, a Southern Baptist from the State of Arkansas, has no problem paying this fee: “Russell does great work, and ensuring his safety is something I’m willing to pay the price for. The last thing we want is a Yeti-attack on our beloved leader.” 

Jeb Forthgown had another perspective, “Where did this Yeti come from? Why are we responsible for taking care of him? How did he get in Dr. Moore’s office, and why does he feel obligated to look after him?” Jeb asked. 

We are unsure, but here is “Yeti” ‘nother example of disagreement within the SBC. I’ll let myself out.

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