It’s the Law: Follow These 8 Steps to Work Gungor Into a Conversation With Your Podiatrist

"Do not speak, and do not stand. Do not breathe heavily."
The President recently signed a bill into law that requires men and women 21 years or older to start a conversation about the Grammy-nominated band Gungor with their podiatrist. Here are 8 steps to ensure that you fulfill the law:

1. Create an ambience, beginning in the waiting room.

The waiting room is filled with disgusting flum, addicts, old men, and crying sissies. By harshly whispering the song “Beautiful Things” it will be both a blessing to the rest of the room, and a stern warning that you came to obey the law.

2. When you are called by the nurse and brought to the scale, let your light shine. 

This is where you will begin your ascent to law-abiding citizenhood by speaking faintly of Gungor and his history. You mustn’t speak too loudly, however, as you will get your point across with eye-contact and allowing your arms to windmill about. (Tip: if you are on the scale as you release your windmills, protect the nurse from injury by counting down from 10.

3. Give the nurse a tract.

This tract can be found at

4. As you enter into your room and begin the long wait for the Podiatrist, prepare by filling the sink with gravy to the line labeled “Gungor Gravy.

As you know, the gravy will be placed in the Gungor Cupboard above. The doctor will enter, smell the Gungor Gravy, ladel it onto his Gungor Ham, and you will begin step #5.

5. Windmill your arms as your foot doctor eats his mound of Pink Gungor Meat.

Do not speak, and do not stand. Do not breathe heavily. Let this experience be as worry-free as possible for your foot-examiner. He will know what is coming next.

6. After your doctor has eaten his pig meat covered in gravy, it is time.

No need to be coy. Every sentence should start and end with the name “Gungor.” Your doctor will apologize as you speak, but you will not accept his apology. You are doing this in order to remain a law-abiding citizen.

7. He will begin examining your feet, and at this time you will begin the “Sway of the Victor.”

You have performed your civic duty.

8. Exit the room with your head held high.

Congratulations, you have spoken about famous Christian band Gungor with your podiatrist and you will now be eligible to receive protection from crime.

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